Judging

I hate when people try and judge you because you have a child. Does that make me any less of a person? I know I have made many mistakes so far during my life, but is it really fair to call my daughter one of them? Although she may have come at the wrong time, and out of a bad situation, I can honestly say that she is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Through her I have acquired knowledge, faith, and patience. Before, I was only a shell of the person who I could have been. Even though my own determination should have been more than enough, she has given me that extra push I needed to fully commit to changing myself. I would not trade being a mother for all the riches in the world. Do I wish I would’ve waited? Sure, who wouldn’t have in my position. But when life hands you lemons, you have to make the best damn lemonade you can, and toast to that little life asleep on your chest.

Facebook asked what was on my mind :

Okay facebook, you want to know what's on my mind? I am so tired of the level of immaturity coming from a twenty-three year old man who claims he wants to be in his child's life , but won't do it because he's mad at me . How is that fair to my daughter ? You won't come see your child because I won't keep you on my BBM list, but yet you can call me out of my name, and try to degrade me as a woman and still expect me to be nice. I am so grateful that my daughter looks just like me, and nothing like him. Which is proof that she is meant to just be MY little booger. Supposedly I have a few fake "friends" who are calling me crazy. I would like to know how I am so crazy, when all I want is the father of my child to be just that: a father. I don't want to be in a relationship with him. He's a hoe, and he's cheated on practically every single girl he's been with. Including the girl that he's with now. So I'm the crazy one for trying to be a parent with him while he impregnates another woman while I'm still pregnant with his first.Or when he abandoned me when I needed him during my pregnancy, but decided that he wanted to make a guest appearance days before she was due to arrive. Or better yet, I'm a retarded little girl because I texted him and called him numerous times while I was in the hospital giving birth to our child, but for DAYS he ignored all calls and texts placed to him. But gets mad when I ignore him for one day. I'm an immature little girl, but yet he's stalking my blogs on google trying to read into my personal life and has his floozy texting my phone at one in the morning the day I get home from the hospital? After I had a damn c-section?? I'm tired of biting my tongue, and he's going to be mad when his daughter grows up with someone else in her life.  Real mature , man . Real mature .

And if you feel some type of way about what I have had to say, then you can kick rocks with no shoes on. And if you are reading this, then thanks for stalking my blog !

Wrong Feelings

So apparently, I am a “retarded little girl” for being able to openly discuss my emotions. I am a little girl for wanting my daughter to have a better future? For wanting her parents to be able to get along and be friends considering everything that we have been through together? I am not one to let things go to waste, and I would think that after everything that we had been through, even through all the arguing and fighting, that we would be able to find some common ground as parents. But I must be immature and naive in wanting this to be true. My daughter needs stability and love in her life. I have not tried to keep her father from her at all. In fact, I have done quite the opposite. But because he can’t get past his own insecurities, whenever we argue, he chooses to withdraw his duties as a parent. Such as choosing not to come to witness her birth, or saying that he will not help out as far as diapers and food is concerned. I think he does it to hurt me, but he is only hurting himself. Cydni is too young to understand, and he is keeping himself from seeing his daughter. She is so precious, so cute. Why would anyone NOT want to be around her or get the chance to hold her in their arms? 

At the end of the day, I know what I need to do to provide her the best life possible. If her father chooses to be in her life, then that is his choice. I never told him that he couldn’t see her until recently. He is so bipolar, and back and forth. I refuse to take threats from him or his girlfriend in regards to my daughter. So I will let the courts decide as to what will happen as far as him visiting and coming to see her. There is no way that I will share physical custody of my daughter when I live over 500 miles away. Especially because I am scared that he may try and take her and not return with her. But I have no problems with agreeing to let him visit whenever he pleases. I am going to get the ball rolling this week, so we shall see what happens