afraid

i am living , but what is to come of me when i am gone?
i am scared , because i do not believe
so many use His name in vain, but do not praise His ever-lasting glory.
i can not succumb to this, although my prayers are on the tip of my tongue.
i can not bring myself to say them
i am scared
the anxious feeling in m chest does not bring comfort
i wish it was a bit easier.
that vampires were real so i could be bit into immortality
or that a wizrd could majesticaly grant me eternal life, never-aging.
this is blasphemy, but the imagination can only help to wander
i am scared
so many fights, so many dying, mass funerals right now as i breathe
i live in the sanctuary of my country while others fight to survive, yet i claim to be scared
panic attacks become more frequent, my breath is harder to catch, and insomnia keeps me from my dreams.
they are relentless! i make a mark in the world just to be forgotten
i am scared
i do not want to die. my biggest fear next to heights. i am shaking as i write, because the next breath i take could be my last.
we are not living. we are stealing time, i can not describe how i feel, but i can tell you that the thought of death consumes me. leaves me empty
i will always be scared.